ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
