The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
