You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
