So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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