i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
