Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
babies were throwing up all over the place
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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