Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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