Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
