Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
