no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize