I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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