Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
PANTIES FOUND
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