I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
