drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
