You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
