Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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