You're so nebulous sometimes
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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