dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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