I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
