tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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