So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
