My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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