does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
