apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
