If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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