I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
