Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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