i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
