There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
