Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
