i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
