Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
