I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
