I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Pants 0. Shit 1.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
