whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Fuck me I smell like cheese
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
