i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
