I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
