im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
