can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
