i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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