I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
