she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
