thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
