i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just found puke in my bra..
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
