You smell like stripper and shame
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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