Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
