why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
