im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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