OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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