Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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